I'm Sorry
by Shuzuka
Summary: Yuzu makes a visit on her way home from school. Rated T for themes.


The bell signaling the start of lunch rang loudly, disrupting the quiet classroom. The teacher stopped her lecture for the day, sighing as she put away her books and notes. Students stretched their slack limbs in the air at the sound of a break. They scattered in no time, some going to socialize with friends, others going to buy lunch.

Yuzu simply put her blank notebook in her bag, not really caring. She never cared much for school anyways.

She felt someone approach her from the right, though she already knew who it was.

"Yuzucchi, you dropped this."

Taniguchi Harumi tilted her head as she offered Yuzu her pencil. "Honestly… how did you not pick it up already? You could have lost it when half the class walked out, you know."

Yuzu faced her and took the object, revealing a clumsy expression. "No wonder I couldn't take notes! I was wondering why I had nothing to write with like, the entire time!" She laughed uneasily at her own stupidity. "Then again, it was only for a couple minutes, and since I'm an idiot, it's not like taking notes during that time would have helped my grades."

Harumi laughed out loud as she slapped her best friend on the back repeatedly.

"Who says that about herself, Yuzucchi? Certainly not a _gyaru_. Well, it is true that you're an idiot since you didn't realize that the pencil was on the floor for the longest time. Is college weighing that heavily on your mind?"

Now that they were third years, everything was about college and entrance exams. But Yuzu never changed since she first transferred to the academy. She was as carefree as ever, living her life however she wanted to.

Yuzu got slightly embarrassed at having been exposed. Harumin's sarcasm was on point; the blonde never cared about student obligations like planning for the future. She wasn't thinking about college at all. Harumin could always see through her.

"You got me… I really didn't notice until you told me because I was too busy thinking about manga." There was no hiding from the person who knew her best.

Harumin sighed. "You should pull yourself together. We can't stay kids forever."

The other girl went silent for a few moments before saying, "We still have time."

"Hm, I guess you're right. We're still young, after all."

* * *

"Hey, Yuzucchi!"

The school day was over and students started to leave to their respective clubs. Yuzu and Harumi never stayed long since they weren't part of any club or student organization, except when they had cleaning duty for breaking rules. Today was a rare day since Yuzu didn't get stopped by any student council members.

"Do you have plans today?"

Yuzu thought about it for a moment before remembering that she had to be somewhere. "Ah… Come to think of it, today's already Friday, huh?"

Harumi responded as if she didn't know. "Now that you mention it, it is…" She looked at Yuzu with a more serious expression, waiting for the other girl to meet her gaze.

Yuzu met her eyes and could only respond with a wistful smile.

Upon seeing such a reaction, Harumi's eyes were quickly downcast. Mentally berating herself for avoiding her best friend, she mustered up the courage to return back to her usual, cheery self. She offered the most genuine smile she could come up with in an attempt to send Yuzu off, "It closes at 6, right? You should get going."

She felt bad for showing weakness, but Yuzu ultimately nodded, whispering the two words of gratitude to Harumi as she turned around to leave.

Harumin always saw right through her.

* * *

"Why are you here?"

The girl who spoke was sitting upright on the bed, focused on the files on her lap. Her words were cold, though her tone was one of disinterest.

"Because I care about you." Yuzu answered truthfully, yet it had no effect on the other girl.

She continued to flip through the papers in front of her, not bothering to glance at the blonde seated next to her. Whether Yuzu was there or not, it didn't change what she had to do.

Yuzu didn't know how to break the silence. In the past, she had thought it was comfortable, but now she thought it to be suffocating.

To make sure she didn't stutter, she rehearsed the same phrase in her head before saying it out loud.

"How are you doing?"

It was something she asked every time she visited. But it didn't make it any easier to ask. Though Yuzu knew what the answer would be, she still had to say it.

"I'm fine."

Yuzu clenched her fists. The same answer every time. It was always like this. No matter how often she came or how much she cared, she never made progress.

"Why…"

The other girl remained unbothered.

"Why are you always like this?" Yuzu was slightly trembling now, trying to keep her emotions contained.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Yuzu raised her voice. "Why haven't you said anything to me!?" She came closer to the girl on the bed.

"Please…" she pleaded desperately, lowering her head into her hands. "Please talk to me… Mei."

The younger sibling paused, taking a moment to process the request. She couldn't believe that Yuzu was really saying that.

"What is there to talk about?" she resumed her task of looking over the papers.

Yuzu felt a pang in her chest at the words. As usual, Mei refused to talk to her. Not that she could blame her…

"Is there absolutely nothing? Or are you hiding your feelings again?" It was a mistake to say the second part, but Yuzu couldn't help it. After two years of the same routine, she wanted at least an explanation.

Mei finally closed the folder, turning her head to face Yuzu. The latter was surprised that they made eye contact, but she quickly feared the next words that would come.

"You were the one who played with my feelings. And you dare say that to me?" Her glare intensified, criticizing Yuzu for what happened in the past.

Yuzu froze. Mei actually saying that was a surprise in and of itself, but she wasn't prepared to respond. She sat there, trying to come up with an answer. She had been mentally preparing herself for the visit but at that moment, everything disappeared in an instant.

"I-"

"What really happened that day, Yuzu?"

After two years, Mei wanted to know. She wanted to hear the truth from Yuzu's own lips.

Neither of them said anything in that time period, even though they both had something to say.

"After the school trip and what happened with the Tachibana siblings, things had changed between us," Mei said. "We were dating, were we not?"

Yuzu nodded. "You started to open up to me…" she quietly remembered. She could never forget.

Her sentence struck a nerve in the younger girl. "Then why!?"

Mei threw the folder, spilling out all the important papers inside. She didn't care that she would be scolded by the nurse later for being so messy. She didn't care that she lost her temper.

Yuzu understood the question.

 _Why were you with him?_

"After we started going out… I thought we were both happy like that. I truly believed that… Despite being girls, despite being _sisters_! Yet, I saw you that day, walking and laughing with a guy I didn't even know. I thought you guys were just friends. Until I saw you holding hands with him."

Having Mei say all this to her was torture for Yuzu. She had made a mistake and she knew it.

"That's not all you did, was it?"

The rhetorical question landed a major blow on Yuzu's conscious.

"That was the night you didn't come home."

Yuzu was silent, avoiding Mei's gaze as she cursed her past self. What Mei said was true. She had been with a different person at that time.

"You slept with him."

Her tone demanded confirmation. Yuzu wanted to shake her head in denial. Her mind was screaming to lie, but she couldn't. She reluctantly nodded.

Mei sighed as if she knew since the day she was born. She hesitated to ask her question, "How long were you seeing him for?"

"Two weeks."

Shame was evident in her voice, but Mei just scoffed. "I didn't want to assume anything, so I waited for you to tell me. Only two weeks and you were thirsty enough to do it with him?"

Yuzu didn't say anything because she knew it was all her fault. All she wanted now was to reach out to her younger sister, to feel her soft skin, to comfort her. But she couldn't bring herself to do it. She had no right to.

"Did I mean nothing to you? I believed what you said to me on the class trip, that you'd never betray me."

Mei usually spoke with her words void of emotion, but this time, there was genuine hurt.

"I'm sorry."

The apology irritated Mei. It wasn't something she wanted to hear.

Yuzu knew it wasn't nearly enough to make up for what she did even the slightest bit, but there was nothing else she could do. She was helpless in the situation.

"Mei… I don't know what I was thinking back then. I did the worst possible thing to you. But that was back then."

It was too late.

"I immediately regretted it after that night. I rushed home to get back to you, but it wasn't something I could just tell you…"

Not like it mattered anymore.

"You kept it from me." Mei's response only increased the turmoil in Yuzu.

"Please, Mei…"

"I thought-" she hesitated to continue. "I thought you loved me."

Yuzu couldn't hold it back anymore. She wrapped her arms around the other girl's waist, desperate to calm her own chaotic emotions. It was pathetic of her to do something like this now.

Mei slightly twitched at the contact. It had been so long since she felt the comfort of Yuzu's embrace. So long that the sensation had became unfamiliar to her. It was like their days as a couple were only a fleeting dream.

"I did… I still do. I never stopped loving you," Yuzu pleaded for Mei to listen to her, to believe her even a little.

But the only response she got was a monotone "Okay."

Mei felt something stain her sweater, already deducing that the cause was Yuzu's tears. A part of her wanted to pat Yuzu's head and pull her closer. But it was way too late. That part of her was hardly there anymore.

"Please believe me."

Yuzu looked up at Mei, praying to God that she would at least do the same.

She didn't know what was worse, being ignored or having to see her younger sister stare back at her with those lifeless eyes. It made her feel even guiltier as she was reminded of what Mei did.

Under her sleeves, Mei had various cuts that decorated her arms, all of which were self-inflicted. It was a fact that Yuzu didn't know about until the day her world fell apart.

The vivid memories came back and flooded Yuzu's thoughts, reminding her of what happened.

It had been a fairly normal Saturday. The blonde had gone out to spend time with her best friend at the mall while Mei stayed at home alone. When she returned that evening, she realized she forgot to bring a key. She rang the doorbell since Mei was supposed to be home. When no one showed up at the door, Yuzu thought that her black-haired sibling was either ignoring her or was out as well. She called the house phone, knowing that if she were home, Mei would pick up for sure.

No answer.

She was convinced that the universe was telling her to stay out longer, so she obliged. Yuzu wandered around the area for a bit until she got a call from her mom.

"Finally," she had thought to herself.

"Yuzu…" her mom said with a shaky voice. "You have to come home. _Now_."

She sensed the urgency in the other line and rushed home, wondering what could have happened when she was out. She was unprepared for what came next.

The door was unlocked. Yuzu hurriedly threw off her shoes and purse as soon as she came in, slamming the door shut.

"Mom, what-"

Yuzu's thought process immediately stopped working when she was greeted by the sight of Mei on the floor. She was lying facedown, surrounded by a small pool of her own blood that came from a wound dangerously close to her heart. Her clothes were stained a dark shade of red, indicating that the viscous liquid wasn't fresh.

Their mom sat there next to her, too shocked to even say anything. But in a few seconds, her adult instincts took over and she grabbed the phone, calling for an ambulance.

The realization hit Yuzu hard. The reason why no one answered the door or the phone. She had thought Mei was out doing whatever she needed to.

She shouldn't have ignored the lack of response. She should have done something to stop her. Then maybe she wouldn't have been too late.

Everything else clicked all at once. Mei had been a bit distant after Yuzu came back from the hotel that morning. She became slightly more aggressive, like she was desperately seeking something. She never changed in front of her anymore despite living in the same room. Even in school, she got dressed in private where no one could see her.

Yuzu had suspected that she was hiding something, but her self-consciousness pushed it to the back of her mind in denial. She hoped Mei was just being shy. She hoped that everything was fine. But from where she was standing now, she could see a few scars that defiled Mei's perfect skin.

Maybe this was karma a thousandfold. The situation was unusually cruel in every sense. Yuzu felt that perhaps she was being punished _too_ much.

Mei knew about her affair. She knew and waited for Yuzu to tell her honestly. But days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, and it became increasingly harder to even mention it.

Yuzu was tense for the entirety of the next day. She stayed up all night in the waiting area, hoping with her soul that her younger sister would wake up.

When she was allowed to see her, Yuzu had the biggest look of relief on her face. She had ran into the room and put her arms around Mei, careful not to irritate any injuries. "Thank God you're okay! I was so scared that I didn't know what to do..."

Mei had always been quiet because it was part of who she was, but Yuzu noticed the slight tension in the air. She pulled herself off of Mei and gave a worried face.

"Yuzu."

She stood there, silently urging Mei to say what she wanted to.

"Let's break up."

* * *

"I really don't know what got into me. You were all I needed… I knew that, and yet..."

Mei's empty expression didn't change.

"I couldn't bring myself to tell you. I was too ashamed of myself. I was scared that you would leave me. I was selfish to do that to you."

Both of them had kept something from the other. A part of Yuzu probably knew that Mei was waiting for her to bring it up herself. Yet she foolishly ignored it and kept going on as if nothing happened. At the same time, Mei never asked. They had both set the issue aside.

"It was also my fault that I couldn't see the obvious truth right in front of me. I didn't notice that you were troubled. I wasn't there for you when you needed me."

Yuzu's regret only became stronger.

"This is cruel of me to ask of you, but is it possible we can talk normally again? I won't ask for your love or for your forgiveness..."

Mei nodded absentmindedly.

It was clear that she didn't mean it. But there was nothing Yuzu could do.

After a still hour, visiting hours ended and Yuzu had to leave.

"Mei... I'm sorry."

The other girl didn't look her way.

"And I love you. No matter what, please don't forget that. I'll be back tomorrow."

Mei turned to look at her older sister who already had one hand on the handle of the door. Yuzu was surprised to see her lips move in an attempt to keep her words to a hushed whisper.

* * *

Yuzu did not see Mei the next day, though she had intended to do so. As she was changing into proper clothes, someone came into the room.

"Wha- mom, knock!"

She noticed the devastated look on her parent's face as she stood at the door. She wanted to know, but at the same time, she didn't want to ask.

"Yuzu... Your younger step-sister, Mei-chan," she paused, dreading the moment she would say her next words, "took her own life."

"..."

Yuzu's defensive instincts kicked in, turning her shock into a nervous laugh. "Come on, mom. Don't even joke about that."

Her mom's expression remained the same, if not became more grave.

Yuzu's false smile slowly disappeared as she tried to reassure herself, "There's no way that's true. Hey, tell me you're joking."

Her daughter's denial encouraged her tears to fall in increasing volumes.

"Why are you crying? It's not true."

It was hypocritical of her to say that since she started doing the same.

"I just... saw her yesterday..."

The truth started to sink in as Yuzu could no longer convince herself of otherwise.

She fell onto the floor, knees pressing into the hard surface. She smacked her hands in front of the knees supporting her, head facing down to stare at the wooden floor.

Yuzu remembered Mei's last words to her. She couldn't make them out at the time, but now she knew what her sister had said when she left.

She heard Mei's soft voice perfectly.

 _"I'm sorry."_

* * *

 **Because Citrus needs more angst. NOT ENOUGH ANGST.**

 **This turned out to be longer than I expected, but oh well. Questions about anything that happened? If you're confused, let me know and I'll explain.**

 **P.S. Tanuki56 is a meanie. ):**


End file.
